So I am going home this weekend. I leave in the "morning" (in like 7 hours or so) and I am driving down to Texas from Utah. It certainly is a long drive but my youngest brother is getting baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and I am so excited to be there to support him and just spend time with my family. In fact I am up this late because I have been packing but that is not important. I have been thinking a lot lately about who I am, and I was shocked to realize that I am not quite sure who I am or what it is that I like to do (you know, the generic questions that everyone asks everyone when they meet someone knew and it suddenly dawns on me that I don't have a clue!) I ran track for 6 years, so for the past 6 years that's who I was/what I did. I was a team member, I was a captain, I was a leader, a runner, an athlete. And now it is gone and not only do I miss hurdles like crazy but I miss being on a team like crazy as well. And I have no clue what it is that "I do" now. I don't know. Also another thing that I have been thinking about lately is moving on. We all do it, even when we don't want to or think it's impossible to do, we all move on. The question that has been on my mind is this...is it better to move on by choice or by letting it happen? And how do I make that decision? All in all I have come to the conclusion that this world is scary, and that I have very little of my life figured out!:)
This is the time of year when we evaluate our lives. We look at the last 364 days and ponder on our struggles and our triumphs. We look at the person we have become over the last 12 months and we plan to do better in the coming 12. This is the time of year we are dedicated to making a change, and as I sit here thinking back to this time exactly 365 days ago, I am astounded at how far I have come. Almost ashamed of the person I was then and truly proud of the person I am now. For one of the first times in my life I can say that I can see myself becoming the person I want to become. In the last year I have felt sorrow and defeat and loneliness. I have faced struggles and heartache and frustrations. But I have also felt peace. I have felt joy and happiness and love. I set goals and I achieved them. I have had experiences that have taught me so many valuable lessons, and I have met people who have changed me forever. And I am so grateful. And so as we finish out this awfully beautiful year...
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