This Crazy Thing We Call Life!

This is the time of year when we evaluate our lives. We look at the last 364 days and ponder on our struggles and our triumphs. We look at the person we have become over the last 12 months and we plan to do better in the coming 12. This is the time of year we are dedicated to making a change, and as I sit here thinking back to this time exactly 365 days ago, I am astounded at how far I have come. Almost ashamed of the person I was then and truly proud of the person I am now. For one of the first times in my life I can say that I can see myself becoming the person I want to become. In the last year I have felt sorrow and defeat and loneliness. I have faced struggles and heartache and frustrations. But I have also felt peace. I have felt joy and happiness and love. I set goals and I achieved them. I have had experiences that have taught me so many valuable lessons, and I have met people who have changed me forever. And I am so grateful. And so as we finish out this awfully beautiful year

As I sit here sick in my bed, covered in blankets and jackets and all sorts of things to keep me warm, listening to the constant chatter of my family and watching beautiful white snow cover the Texas ground, I cannot help but be completely overwhelmed with emotions. Maybe it is because I am home surrounded by the people I love which doesn't happen all too often. Or perhaps it's because I have the cold of the century; a mix of being drugged up on cold medicine and feeling crummy. But regardless of what the reason, I am sitting here full of joy and gratitude for all I have been given. I think of dear ones separated from their families and loved ones and it hurts my heart. I pray they know how much they are loved and missed. I think of dear ones who are far away celebrating with those they love the most and I am grateful to have them in my life. I think of all the tender mercies I have received, especially recently. I think of my precious family, that drives me absolutely crazy, b

Sometimes I think I am really funny. I say things that are ridiculous or stupid or lame and just laugh and laugh at them because sometimes a good laugh is just what you need. And I love laughing. I love the feeling of not being able to breathe because you cannot control the gut busting laugh coming out of your mouth. I love the "I have six-pack abs" feeling, the silent laughter, the tears rolling down my face because it's just that funny feeling. I love causing that, and I love love love it when people make me feel that way. Sometimes I cook delicious foods. There is just something about slaving away in the kitchen that makes me feel better about myself and everything around me. Better than therapy, cooking is calming. It makes me focus on the recipe or the dish instead of everything else. It clears my head, allows me to focus, allows me to see and think clearly. It opens my mind. Sometimes when I cook delicious foods I share with people around me.  Creating something tha

HOME : The place in which one’s domestic affections are centered. A house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person family, or household. The place or region where something is native or most common. Home is a four letter word with weight beyond measure. It is a sanctuary. It is a safe place. It’s for free expression, not good impressions. Home is loud obnoxious chatter with my siblings. It’s joking and teasing and laughing till your side hurts and the tears stream from your eyes. Home is hugs from my Mom that somehow completely swallow me up even though she is smaller than I am. It is conversations with my Dad about music or movies, or camping, or anything or nothing at all that remind me how similar we actually are. Home is getting to help my baby brother with his prayers at night and realizing that he’s not a baby anymore. It’s eating the meals I grew up on, in the place I grew up, with the dishes I always used. It’s the unexpected knock at the bedroom doo

Every day is a battle. Some days I win and some days I lay my head down at night and think "I will try again tomorrow." Life is hard and it was meant to be that way. But even with that knowledge and understanding it is still sometimes a struggle to get through. I am at the point where everything is bothering me. And it is little stupid things and the worst part is that in the back of my head I know that I am being ridiculous. I know that I am over reacting and that I should not be so irritated by these things. But I am. I am bothered by stupid little things. And I don't really know what to do to make that go away. I don't want to push away these people in my life because they are good people. But at the same time I get so angry when I am there and I just cant figure it out. School is crazy right now, and I just started working again, which is great but also rough because that is one more thing I need to worry about. I have a great group of friends that I love spending