I have had a lot on my mind the past week (especially these past few days) and I decided to start this blog to share what is on my mind, and just for myself, to have an outlet. And yet for the life of me I cant figure out what it is that I want to say. I have sat down time and time again to post here, to get things off my chest, to sort through all the words and lines running through my head and the only thing that results is a highly frustrated Kylee staring at a blank page!...NOT COOL! And on top of all that, I have a very very close friend who simply writes a blog that is so amazing (like she brings me to tears pretty much every time that she posts something) and she is so witty and inspirational and expresses things SO much better than I can. Gahh it is frustrating! Haha don't get me wrong she is amazing and she is seriously like one of my sisters. We will be best friends for forever (EPICWIN) and I am FOREVER GRATEFUL for her and every single thing that she does cause she is such a wonderful example to me and I would certainly be lost without her.
But seriously though, sometimes I just wish it would be easy. I wish I could just sit down and write and have it all make sense and not ramble, and have people read it and relate to it and understand who I am. Because I CANT be the only one who feels this way..if so that would be extra depressing.
One thing that I have really been thinking about for a while now, but especially this last week, is taking my life too seriously. I do. It is as simple as that. I take everything too seriously and I take everything to heart. Which is a good thing right? I always thought so...who likes the kid who jokes about everything and doesn't take anything serious at all? Well I have discovered that it's not so great...in fact it makes life really really hard, and almost ruined a relationship that I really value. Luckily this person is one of the most loving and kind-hearted people that I know, and has really tried to help me with this. He has showed me that I just have to roll with life sometimes. That I have to pick my battles and just relax and enjoy life, finding joy in the simple things (like riding in pick-up trucks, or taking drives with my Grandpa, or the beauty of nature;) all my favorites!) He showed me that the only way to enjoy life is to live it, taking chances and seeing where they take you, and I am so very grateful for him and the example he is to me. And I mean, doesn't this all sound wonderful? It did for me.
But where is the line between relaxing and enjoying life, and not taking anything seriously, treating life as a joke? And how do I change? It is something that I want so bad my heart hurts, and I simply don't know how to change something I have been for 19 years. Some days I do really good, and I don't let others effect my day, I just enjoy things for what they are and I see all that the Lord has blessed me with. But then there are others where I fall back to where I was before and I don't know how to keep that from happening. How do I live up to the potential that I know I have within me?
Again, I cant seem to find the words to answer that one...so I keep pushing through. And I live day to day, reaching for the stars. And I hope and pray that one day I can become the person I am truly capable of being.
But seriously though, sometimes I just wish it would be easy. I wish I could just sit down and write and have it all make sense and not ramble, and have people read it and relate to it and understand who I am. Because I CANT be the only one who feels this way..if so that would be extra depressing.
One thing that I have really been thinking about for a while now, but especially this last week, is taking my life too seriously. I do. It is as simple as that. I take everything too seriously and I take everything to heart. Which is a good thing right? I always thought so...who likes the kid who jokes about everything and doesn't take anything serious at all? Well I have discovered that it's not so great...in fact it makes life really really hard, and almost ruined a relationship that I really value. Luckily this person is one of the most loving and kind-hearted people that I know, and has really tried to help me with this. He has showed me that I just have to roll with life sometimes. That I have to pick my battles and just relax and enjoy life, finding joy in the simple things (like riding in pick-up trucks, or taking drives with my Grandpa, or the beauty of nature;) all my favorites!) He showed me that the only way to enjoy life is to live it, taking chances and seeing where they take you, and I am so very grateful for him and the example he is to me. And I mean, doesn't this all sound wonderful? It did for me.
But where is the line between relaxing and enjoying life, and not taking anything seriously, treating life as a joke? And how do I change? It is something that I want so bad my heart hurts, and I simply don't know how to change something I have been for 19 years. Some days I do really good, and I don't let others effect my day, I just enjoy things for what they are and I see all that the Lord has blessed me with. But then there are others where I fall back to where I was before and I don't know how to keep that from happening. How do I live up to the potential that I know I have within me?
Again, I cant seem to find the words to answer that one...so I keep pushing through. And I live day to day, reaching for the stars. And I hope and pray that one day I can become the person I am truly capable of being.
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