Tonight I Feel Broken.

Not completely, but a little bit yeah. I am so tired, my eyes are heavy and they burn. I have no desire to do anything at this point. It's cold and my body just sort of hurts. We've gotten snow the last two days and I am not a fan. Last night I got a phone call from my Father. Apparently my parents haven't been talking to each other about some things in my life the way I had hoped. I sat on my floor a sobbed talking to my Dad on the phone. I miss him. Not only is he my Dad, but he's one of my best friends and favorite people to be around. We had a very good talk and it helped me a lot...or so I thought. I then spent the night watching a movie and hanging out with some friends. It was great. I cant explain the love I feel when I am with such wonderful people. I went to bed last night just as confused as I the night before, just as confused as I will tonight. It's hard. My Mom keeps telling me I can do hard things. Today she made me promise that when I doubt myself or am struggling, to repeat that in my head. "I can do hard things." I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I can do hard things. I can do hard things....
Tonight I feel broken, just a little bit cracked. I know things will come together, I know I will get through, I know I can do hard things. I just want answers. I just want sleep. I just want someone to wrap me up in a hug that lasts forever. I just want to feel less alone.

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UPDATE

UPDATE: saying yes is hard, sometimes (a lot of times) I choose sleep over clean hair, and these people make my heart oh so happy! As I continue to give fully to my job and to the people in my life, I continue to learn more and more that these humans give me more than I could ever give them. And that is completely worth it.

I Sort Of Hate Making Decisions About Life.

Sometimes I have to make decisions about my life. And those decisions are hard and they scare me and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think I have an answer and then a few days later I am doubting and second guessing everything that I think I have figured out. It's so not cool. And above all I can't handle that fact that I don't know what I am supposed to do! How do I figure this out? How do I know if I am making the right decision? How? How do I know what it is that I am supposed to do? My life is a tad jumbled and messy right now.

"You are SO lucky!"

The other day, when I got off of work, all I needed was some quality time with a dear friend of mine. I showed up to her house with a Diet Coke for her in hand and we spent the evening swapping stories--laughing, venting, and recounting the triumphs and woes of our lives--and it was beyond a blessing! Naturally though, as we chatted, the conversation took a turn towards dating. We both told stories of frustration and shook our heads at the people in our lives who seem to have it all figured out. Without thinking it through 100% I boldly stated that "I know more married people than I do people who are single," and while it definitely feels that way it certainly isn't true. But as a 23 year old member of the church, it can sometimes feel like I am the only one my age not in a relationship/married. We laughed at this idea that "we are so old" and that according to some people (and some of the culture that we live in) we are "doing it wrong" because we ar...

This Crazy Thing We Call Life!

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