I am constantly being reminded, it seems these days, of how much I am driven by my emotions. Reminded by the tears that stream down my face as I watch a movie that for reasons I can't explain, I feel like I connect too. Reminded by the anger that seems to be stirring inside me more often than I would care to admit, for things that logically don't matter but illogically bring out the worst in me. Reminded by the stress that overwhelms my life at times. And by the longing desire to see people happy that is always floating in the back of my mind. I am constantly being reminded that I tend to care too much, and then realizing that I would not be myself if the happiness of a beloved sister, the hug from a dear friend, the sting of a sad story, or the joy of a sweet puppy did not all bring a tear to my eye. I am constantly being reminded by those closest to me that things will all work out the way they are supposed too. That things don't work out so that better things can. That one day all my trials will make sense, and I will understand. Constantly being reminded that in the grand scheme of things, time flies. The emotions that I feel, that drive me crazy, and bring me to tears even as I type this up, are my downfall and my best quality. I feel. I feel everything. And constantly reminds me that it's my choice to be happy, and that is a choice I choose to make.
This is the time of year when we evaluate our lives. We look at the last 364 days and ponder on our struggles and our triumphs. We look at the person we have become over the last 12 months and we plan to do better in the coming 12. This is the time of year we are dedicated to making a change, and as I sit here thinking back to this time exactly 365 days ago, I am astounded at how far I have come. Almost ashamed of the person I was then and truly proud of the person I am now. For one of the first times in my life I can say that I can see myself becoming the person I want to become. In the last year I have felt sorrow and defeat and loneliness. I have faced struggles and heartache and frustrations. But I have also felt peace. I have felt joy and happiness and love. I set goals and I achieved them. I have had experiences that have taught me so many valuable lessons, and I have met people who have changed me forever. And I am so grateful. And so as we finish out this awfully beautiful year...
Comments
Post a Comment