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My Emotional Roller Coaster

So I know it has been a while since I have blogged anything and for that I do apologize. I don't know who reads this if anyone does, but I should be better about being more regular with my posts. The truth is this....I have wanted to post multiple times actually, I just cant get my words straight. And it has been extremely frustrating. I am at a spot in my life where things just are. I don't even know how to explain it better than that. Things just are. They are frustrating and tiring and good and confusing and strengthening and humbling and I don't even know what to do with myself. I have no job (and not do to a lack of looking I must add), and no car, I have been sick for like a week now which is SO overrated, and I am a little overwhelmed with school work right now. I desperately want this semester to be over with, to know what I am going to be doing/where I am going to be living this summer, and actually have some concrete plans. And let me tell you, I am an emotional person! (I started tearing up at an ABC Family show tonight...SERIOUSLY, WHO DOES THAT?!) I am constantly finding myself in a state that is not necessarily in my comfort zone dealing with the unknown. And then I go to a conference, or an institute class, or get a text from a friend. I find an old picture or talk to my sister on the phone, or just enjoy a sunny day. I learn something new in class or I am reminded through the trials of others how truly BLESSED my life is, and then I get all frustrated and emotional because I get angry with myself for how stupid I have been acting. I hate how often I feel like my life is the only one that is hard. I hate how I feel like everyone else is just happy and for some reason I cant get myself to let go sometimes and just enjoy life. I hate it. And then I am back to where I started and am frustrated all over again. Life is beautiful, why do I let things bog me down sometimes. And then I look at the truly beautiful life I DO HAVE and I cant help but smile, for I have be given so very much! So many tender mercies from the Lord. And so many wonderful examples of how to do it right. I am grateful for the people in my life who allow me to be a part of theirs. And that may sound silly, but for a girl who is trying to figure out exactly who she is now that who she was isn't there anymore, it is TRULY a blessing to feel the love of some amazing people in my life. The truth is I am just trying my best to be the very best version of my self I can be and each and everyday I learn something new from people around me who are much braver, much smarter, much stronger than I am.

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