Today I took my kid brother to the park down the street from our house. We got there and I found a seat on a bench because he immediately ran off to start playing. Normally I would run and play with him but today I just sat and watched. Right away he started playing with these two little kids (a brother and sister) and I found myself almost being jealous of them as they ran around in an imaginary world that they all found themselves in together. They were playing and laughing and were instant best friends. As I sat there watching them run and play my mind couldn't help but wander a little bit. I thought about where I am at in life and little things that are daily experiences back at school. I thought about people in my life, and I thought about the many thousands of strangers I pass each day without even really knowing it. I thought about how hard it is for me to meet people and make friends at the age of 21, and found myself jealous of these elementary kids who were insta-friends on the playground. There was no judgement being passed, and no need for anyone to impress others or be something they weren't. They were being their honest true selves and they were completely accepting. Why can't we keep that? Why do we let that go? And why can my little brother make friends so easily when I struggle so much? I sat there for about an hour or so, and I then we walked home. I didn't leave with any answers, but a thought that maybe things would be a lot better in this world if we all remembered what it was like to be a little kid, playing on the play ground with our new best friends.
This is the time of year when we evaluate our lives. We look at the last 364 days and ponder on our struggles and our triumphs. We look at the person we have become over the last 12 months and we plan to do better in the coming 12. This is the time of year we are dedicated to making a change, and as I sit here thinking back to this time exactly 365 days ago, I am astounded at how far I have come. Almost ashamed of the person I was then and truly proud of the person I am now. For one of the first times in my life I can say that I can see myself becoming the person I want to become. In the last year I have felt sorrow and defeat and loneliness. I have faced struggles and heartache and frustrations. But I have also felt peace. I have felt joy and happiness and love. I set goals and I achieved them. I have had experiences that have taught me so many valuable lessons, and I have met people who have changed me forever. And I am so grateful. And so as we finish out this awfully beautiful year...
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