This Crazy Thing We Call Life!

Dear Moms, I will admit right away that I am not a mother, nor will I be in the foreseeable future. And so along with that I certainly will not pretend that I know what it feels like to have that role. Sure I've grown up with younger siblings to watch out for and had relationships in my life where I have cared so deeply for someone that at times it hurt. I've had to defend those around me and I've been defended by special individuals who probably have no clue what their efforts meant. In short, I feel like I've had small glimpses of what it will be like to be a mom, but I firmly believe that the only way to understand the love, sacrifice and worry that comes along with motherhood is to take on the role yourself. And that is why on this day set aside to celebrate you, and with my own mother five states away, I write this. A letter to you, the unsung heroines of our society. A letter to mothers. To My Own Mother, I wish to say thank you! Thank you for teaching me th...

I have missed this. It seems to me that the best ideas come when you are not in a position to utilize them. The shower, or my bed when I am trying to sleep. So I quickly jot them down in my phone or make a mental note in my brain and then move on with my day, very rarely getting around to actually making them concrete and putting them down in words. Last night was no exception to this rule of thumb. I got home from work around 12:30 and while I only wanted my bed and a nice warm blanket, I knew that a shower would probably be best and so I put off sleep for a little bit longer and hopped into the shower. While sleep-shampooing my hair, I thought about how once again in my life things were about to change. Now it's not like I haven't been here eaten this bowl of ice cream before! Because trust me I have! You would think I would be used to it by now actually! It seems that each time I get used to things they start to change. It's not fun or easy necessarily, but it kee...

It’s been a long time since we last visited. Sometimes life gets crazy and things get pushed aside. And when that happens, as much as I love writing this blog, this is one of the things that gets put on the back burner. A lot has changed, a lot has been learned, a lot has been enjoyed, and a lot has been loved. Since this summer when I last posted I have changed my major, changed jobs twice, changed where I live, who I spend time with, where I go. I ended my A-Team summer and I got hired on for another year of the best thing in my life. I’ve been healthy and I have been sick. I drove to California on a little bit of a whim and I have traveled home. I welcomed home my best friend from her mission and sent my sister out on hers. I have laughed and loved and felt sorrow and picked myself back up again. I have met knew people and learned of their lives, their stories. I have talked and I have listened. In short, I have lived.

Tonight my brain wont turn off. That seems to be happening to me more and more these days. I keeps pounding and pounding. And thinking about how weird this summer has been. How there have been some of my favorite days with my favorite people. How I have one of the best jobs in the world! One that I hope for for years and finally had the guts to try again for. One that has made a difference in my life in more ways than anyone could have imagined or foreseen. How nothing I had planned has actually happened. How sometimes people are weird. And how their tiny decisions can make me feel super crummy or like a million bucks. And they don't even realize it. And whether or not they understand or realize it, they have taught me so many things this summer about myself and the way I feel about people.  The way that people can hurt you without even knowing it. And how they can completely make your day just by giving awesome hugs. How best friends have become strangers. And stranger...

Sometimes I am lonely. There I said it. Sometimes I am lonely. And sometimes I get sad. Or angry. Or frustrated. But I feel like I cant talk about it, like I have to always be the happy, stress-free version of myself. And that is not always the case. But here's the thing...those stressed out, frustrated, lonely times don't take away the joy and the happiness and the love I feel all the time! It is still there and still thriving. So why can't I talk about how there are times when I am so overwhelmed I literally don't know what to do with myself besides crawl under the covers and never come out? Why can't I share when I am feeling down, or struggling, or alone? And why does it seem like such a TABOO  topic to admit? Seriously I can't be the only one who ever has or ever will feel this way. Impossible. The world is not all rainbows and sunshine all of the time and that is okay. And whether or not you like the rain it is going to come and I am a firm be...

Summer should last longer. There is no logical reason that at this point it should already be half way over. And country music should always be playing. Always. Cereal should be more widely accepted as an anytime food. The fact that I've eaten cereal for two of my three meals every day this week should not be a problem for anyone. Gardens should be more of a thing. As a college student, I wish I could have a garden. I want to grow my own food and then cook it for the people I love. Fresh veggies and such from a garden on a summer's day...you're not going to get much better than that my friend.  Folding/putting away laundry is basically the worst part of having clean clothes. People should be kinder to each other. And more forward.  If I care about you or miss you I am going to tell you that and I shouldn't feel like I am risking our relationship (platonic or otherwise) by doing so. Why cant we just say what we are thinking? If they are nice words they d...

How do you tell someone that they mean the world to you? So much that their decisions and actions and emotions have started seeping over into your life! How do you tell them that you feel everything at 1000% and the emotions they are feeling--to and extent you feel them too. How do you tell them that you stay up all night worrying about them. That you are physically, mentally, and emotionally hurting because they are. That you have a love for them and you're not quite sure what that means exactly but it is there and it's not going away anytime soon. And that you would give anything to be able to make everything go away, to be the one who could make them happy! How to you tell them all of that when you feel like the closer you get the farther they pull away. And for every step you take closer to getting back to the way things were, you find yourself taking two steps in the opposite direction. How do you tell them that you are so frustrated by them at time the only thing you wan...