I have missed this.
It seems to me that the best ideas come when you are not in a position to utilize them. The shower, or my bed when I am trying to sleep. So I quickly jot them down in my phone or make a mental note in my brain and then move on with my day, very rarely getting around to actually making them concrete and putting them down in words. Last night was no exception to this rule of thumb. I got home from work around 12:30 and while I only wanted my bed and a nice warm blanket, I knew that a shower would probably be best and so I put off sleep for a little bit longer and hopped into the shower. While sleep-shampooing my hair, I thought about how once again in my life things were about to change.
Now it's not like I haven't been here eaten this bowl of ice cream before! Because trust me I have! You would think I would be used to it by now actually! It seems that each time I get used to things they start to change. It's not fun or easy necessarily, but it keeps me on my toes and so you just role with it. Because of it I have had a lot of great people be a part of my story. And while some of them only have short lived supporting roles, they are all important to building my character.
Right now I am in a position where I get to watch some of the most important people in my life do some pretty great and amazing things! I am SO proud of them and what they are all doing! And I wouldn't change a thing about the time they have spent in my life. Having said that though, I feel like I am bracing myself for the big changes ahead. In talking to my Mom yesterday I mentioned that I felt like I have to branch out and prepare now while certain people are still a part of my life so that when they are gone I am not a total mess. And it is hard. It is hard to continuously open up and let people in when history has taught you that eventually (even if they don't want to) they will be gone. It is hard to see people and not care TOO much, and it's even harder knowing that sometimes that bites me in the butt. But then there is the sliver of light in the distant future that says "good things are coming." And I can look back at each person that has been a part of my story and seen the blessings they brought with them and the opportunities that have come because they left. And the story goes on.
There is always something bittersweet about endings, and nerve wracking and exciting about beginnings. It's like electricity and heartache and hope all wrapped up together. It is exhilarating and terrifying, and that is what makes it so exciting. The "not knowing" part is the worst but also the best because if you don't know what is next the possibilities are endless!
So I keep writing my story.
And I can't wait to see what is in store. I can't wait for the times that push me to my limits, and for the nights so full of laughter you fall asleep with a smile on your face. I can't wait for the good and the bad. Because at the end of the day my life is good. And when my story is read I hope people will say
"Wow. She lived."
So bring on the beginnings and endings. Bring on the people to be loved, the adventures to be had and maybe even a little heartache. Bring on the day to day joys and pains. Bring on the challenges. Bring on the triumph.
Bring on the middle ground.
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